Depression, and the open road

There are times in a persons life when they need to stop and look inwards. I’m coming up to that time now, and I don’t know if I like what I see. I have all these responsibilities that are preventing me from being able to get myself in that right place. I currently am living in a stick built while I try to slowly get the van back to a condition that will allow me to live in it full time again, and with many of the troubles in my personal life, I find that I need to get away.
I miss the freedom that being in the van offered me, and I feel that even though there was an insurmountable amount of heartache for me last year, being in the van helped me be a bit happier. I find that I am still down, and it causes me to do some crazy things that I would never have even dreamed of once.

Living in the stick built has caused me to be more anti-social, and I don’t really visit anymore. I don’t know why, I just don’t feel up to it, and that could be a part of this depression I am in. Decided this morning that I would most likely sell off everything I own, and get back in the van asap. I also decided that a counsellor would be a great idea, and possibly anti-depressants even though I have always been against taking medication.

After amking those decisions, I find out today that the company I work for (I work for an IT Staffing company) won’t be getting it’s contract renewed for the Service Desk at the company that we are contracted to. Now, I’m not currently in the Service Desk, but I am on a project for another team. Once that project is complete, if they choose to not hold onto me, I would be back at the Service Desk, and facing no job by years end. Fun times.

Things keep adding up, and they pile on top of eachother until I am swimming in an ocean of worries, pain, and regrets. I need out of my place, and back into freedom. I find that I want to drop off the radar for a while, and just focus on healing myself, but with all this stuff, I can’t. I could lose everything, and then have nothing. If I can manage to sell off everything, I can start looking into getting away for a time, and trying to heal myself. Having only the van to worry about as a possession, would be far better than the stick built with all my stuff.
I can work anywhere, and just live. I came across a website today on that talked about organic farming, and volunteer work. I can travel and volunteer, which in turn gives me food, and a place to stay. Well, park my van in my case. Leave the lodging to those without a home on wheels. The site, forthose who would like to know, is (.com for USA). Have a peek, it’s interesting. I want to get myself to a spot where I can be happy again, and I have to do the things that make me happy. No restrictions made me happy.

Has anyone else ever suffered the depression, and been in the van? How was it? What were your experiences?

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